Happy New Years!

One again it is time to review the previous year and make plans for the new one.

Here is some of what happened this year. These are in the order they come to my mind, no chronological:

• I moved into an apartment in November, with my best friend.
• I have finished all of my college classes, and have started my final co-op. I'll graduate in the Spring.
• I've got my first real programming job, full time and with health insurance.
• For the first time I actually have my own heath insurance instead of relying on my mother's.
• I started meditating and then started looking into Buddhism--and found a lot that really rings true with me. Also started to attend the meeting of the Louisville Community of Mindfulness on Sunday mornings (playing hookey today though lol).

Last year at about New Years I said:

• I'm working on exercising more and drinking more water.

  I want to work on keeping a positive attitude when I'm stressed out. (It's
  not a problem when I'm not stressed.)

  I intend to graduate at the end of 2005. This involved also finding a co-op
  for next year.

  I'd like to be moved out on my own by the end of this year, or shortly after
  graduation.

I actually accomplished most of these. The exercising fizzled around the end of February, cause I got tired of Dad's elliptical machine. Ok, I got a bit lazy lol. But it lasted a whole two months--not bad I guess. But I did keep drinking more water.
My meditation practice has helped me not to get stressed out so much--it helps me to keep a clear head and be able to see when what I'm worried about will just not be helped by me giving myself an headache over it.
I'm close on the graduation bit. I finished my classes in 2005, but my official graduation will be in the Spring of '06.
I am moved out into an apartment now. Woo hoo!

On to next year:

Here are my intentions for this coming year:

• I plan to continue my meditation practice and find out more about Buddhism.
• I plan to start taking classes at Gold's Gym, which is just a couple of minutes from my apartment. In fact, I just signed up for a monthly membership yesterday.
• I would like to get my Microsoft Certified Application Developer certificate, though I've not made serious plans toward that end just yet.
• I'd like to go to more dances, like the the one I went to last night. Found a new friend who was teaching me how to dance. I'm expecting maybe to get a call from him today . . .

We'll see how it goes :)

My Christmas

My Christmas was a bit different this year. We've always had our family Christmas Eve party at Grandma's house, but this year we had it up at my folks house. It is even the first time we've had any parties up at my folk's house--they have been working really hard on getting the place rearranged and even putting in a insert wood stove and building a hearth around it. I wish I had before and after pictures to post--it's a bit like Changing Spaces or something 'cept they did it themselves. :-p

The Christmas Eve party went off great--we ate, Grampa shared some of his Christmas memories, the Christmas myth was read, we sang some carols. I'll see if I can get some digital photo's from Dad so I can post them.

I spent the night up at Mom and Dad's house after the party. It was weird sleeping on the couch, and I didn't get to sleep until about 3 in the morning. As Christmas morning is also Sunday morning, Mom invited me to go to church, as expected. I pretty much planned on going with them anyway, so I accepted.

We missed half of the service since it went from 10am-11am. I'm not sure of the reason for the shift in schedule; I think it was something to do with the pastor's traveling plans. Anyway, what it meant to me was that I only had to sit there for 30 minutes as opposed to an hour. LOL The service was alright--we walked in where the pastor was reading Isaiah 53 and then switched to the birth of Jesus and then to the bit in Revelation about the Lamb and the seven seals. A team with a soprano sax and a singer who I know from when I was in the youth group did "O Holy Night." They did quite a good job on it too, the singer even did it in sign language.

Then, to my dismay, I found out that they were going to do Communion. This was the first time I'd been to a Communion service since I decided that I definitely was not a believer. It was also the first time that I sat still during the entire thing--just breathing in and out and trying not to look too conspicuous. I used to love Communion when I was a Christian, and the combination of that and that of going against the peer pressure made it all an unpleasant experience. What else could I do--to take it is no less than a public proclamation of faith. Far as I know, most in the church are totally unaware that I have rejected Christianity--they only know that I've not been going to church. I wonder how many noticed that I didn't even take Communion when it is open to anyone who has "accepted Christ as their lord and savior"? Not that anyone mentioned it afterward, of course.

The rest of the day went alright--but as this post is already pretty long I'm going to make the rest of it very short. We ate Christmas dinner at Grampa's and then I went to my roomate's family party. And that was my Christmas this year.

Judge rules against �intelligent design� - Science - MSNBC.com

Heartening news :)

Judge rules against "intelligent design" - Science - MSNBC.com

And along the same lines, this has got to be my favorite Doonesbury ever:

http://www.msnbc.com/comics/daily.asp?sfile=db051218&vts=121820051719

events of the day

Today I went to a memorial service. Also known as a funeral. It was for my little neice who, as it turned out, died before ever seeing the light of day. Her name was Rebecca Grace. I've never seen such a tiny casket.
I've also observed in the last few year that funerals are much harder for me than they used to be. This being because most of the "comforting words" are about mythical stuff that most of the people there happen to believe. While the pastor was going on at the memorial service about how "God knows how to lose a child" and "the baby is in the arms of Jesus" and all that I just stared at the tree behind him and concentrated on breathing in and out and waited for him to get done. I suppose it doesn't really matter if those words were any comfort to me or not, as they meant something to the parents and the others there. I'm not going to sit and wallow in self-pity over it--just thought I'd share my thoughts here for all the others out there who have similar experiences. At least no one tried to witness to me, or talked much at all about it after the sermon, far as I could tell. It was good to be around family, and it was heartening to see how many people showed up. I do know my brother and sis-in-law are going to need support this Christmas.

On a brighter note, I have finished with my classes. No more tests (of the written and graded type, anyway). Woo hoo.

A false dichotomy

This has been on my mind a lot lately. I have discovered the thing that I've heard as the sort of reason that people renounce atheism in order to embrace some religion or another. That is, that science and reason in themselves are unable to give meaning to life.

Most of my life I have held this assumption that to be spiritual and to find warmth and meaning in life was somehow tied to believing things that defy what my eyes see and what my science teacher tried to teach me. Salvation was found in believing things and trusting that if your eyes and reason said otherwise, then your eyes and reason were deceiving you. The alternative was simply disbelieving anything that couldn't be proven for certain--after all I've always hated being uncertain in these matters. (Especially when I thought my eternal destiny was tied to my degree of certainty, but I digress). This is the false dichotomy that I'm talking about.

I came to the point of recognizing that reason is not everything on my own. My explorations into Buddhism revealed the rest. I'd hardly considered the possibility of a religion that is not based on faith, but rather experience. There may be faith involved in varying degrees for different people, but it's not essential. Well, anyway, Buddhism as I know it is primarily about our experience of the present moment--no so much about the origins of life or what, if anything, happens after we die. Not much reason to get into debates about evolution versus creationism here.

Also, today I read chapter one in a book called The End of Faith by Sam Harris. He expressed very clearly the idea that has been rattling around in my head for the past couple of months, and it was this reading that moved me to write this entry. It seems so damn simple--like it was right on the edge of my thoughts before but I've never been quite able to bring it to the surface of my thoughts before. Too many of my old assumptions were in the way.

We cannot live by reason alone. This is why no quantity of reason, applied as antiseptic, can compete with the balm of faith, once the terrors of the world begin to intrude upon our lives. Your child has died, or your wife has acquired a horrible illness that no doctor can cure, or your own body has suddenly begun striding toward the grave--and reason, no matter how broad it's compass, will begin to smell distinctly of formaldehyde. This has lead many of us to conclude, wrongly, that human beings have needs that only beliefs in certain fantastical beliefs can fulfill. It is nowhere written, however, that human beings must be irrational, or live in a perpetual state of seige, to enjoy an abidng sense of the sacred. On the contrary, I hope to show that spirituality can be--indeed, must be--deeply rational, even as it elucidates the limits of reason.

So you don't have to either hold absurd beliefs or refuse to consider any ideas that your reason cannot understand. There is a whole lot of middle ground here. And it's a wonderful sense of freedom when you realize that you need not fear reality causing your beliefs to crash down around you! If a belief is shattered by reality, then that is just one more obstacle on the road to a clear view of the world out of the way--and this is a good thing.

NPR : There Is No God

NPR : There Is No God

Charles Darwin: Evolution of a Scientist - Newsweek Technology - MSNBC.com

I like this article, thought I'd share it. It's all about who Darwin was and what the controversy over evolution is all about.

Charles Darwin: Evolution of a Scientist - Newsweek Technology - MSNBC.com

my new home

I'm now out in an apartment. I moved out of my folk's house at the end of October. I'm pretty much just now getting both the time and the motivation to write on this blog. SO now I'm on my own, sort of. I got this apartment with my best friend, and it had really worked out better than I expected.
Josh and I'd been considering the possiblility of getting an apartment for almost the whole last year. He was sitting in an apartment he hated and wanted a way out of there, and I was looking at finally moving out of my parent's house. I just felt I'd outgrown living at home and was ready to move on. The conditions for moving out were ideal. After we figured up the expenses and decided we could afford it, there was just one psychological barrier to overcome: what are people going to think about a guy and a girl who are not married and not related moving in together? We're not even boyfriend/girlfriend, and we have discussed the idea that either of us could invite dates to the apartment. We ended up just pretty much just deciding that it's no one's freaking business if we are sharing an apartment. LOL
I've been pretty busy lately since now I have to shop for groceries and do laundry for two and take care of utility billys and think of stuff like what to eat for dinner. Yea yea I do his laundry, which will just have to be a fact of life until we get the washer and dryer labeled in braille. I don't mind it at all actually, which is almost a bit of a surprise to myself. I think I could go on living this way for a long time without any trouble.

Oh, and I forgot to mention, I now have DSL and a wireless. Woo Hoo! I'm writing this blog entry over the wireless using my company laptop.

bits of starstuff: Coincidence? Who cares!

bits of starstuff: Coincidence? Who cares!

I said I'd write more about the writing of Thich Nhat Hanh that inspired me to go to the Unitarian Church when I wrote that post a few months ago. Well, today I found the poem on the internet, and thought I'd provide a link to it: Call Me By My True Names

Changes made by the new Pope

Got this from a forwarded e-mail. I think it's pretty funny :)

personality test

You are both logical and creative. You are full of ideas.
You are so rational that you analyze everything. This drives people a little crazy!

Intelligence is important to you. You always like to be around smart people.
In fact, you're often a little short with people who don't impress you mentally.

You seem distant to some - but it's usually because you're deep in thought.
Those who understand you best are fellow Rationals.

In love, you tend to approach things with logic. You seek a compatible mate - who is also very intelligent.

At work, you tend to gravitate toward idea building careers - like programming, medicine, or academia.

With others, you are very honest and direct. People often can't take your criticism well.

As far as your looks go, you're coasting on what you were born with. You think fashion is silly.

On weekends, you spend most of your time thinking, experimenting with new ideas, or learning new things.

The Three Question Personality Test

birth order predictor

Interesting, I'm actually third-born (and the youngest). The rest is pretty accurate. Except the jobs . . .

You Are Likely A Forth Born

At your darkest moments, you feel angry.At work and school, you do best when your analyzing.When you love someone, you tend to be very giving. In friendship, you don't take the initiative in reaching out.Your ideal jobs are: factory jobs, comedy, and dentistry.You will leave your mark on the world with your own personal philosophy.

The Birth Order Predictor

my Sangha*

As I've written about before, I've been exploring Buddhism a bit lately. Well, last night I discoved a mindfulness group in Louisville that meets on Sundays a good 45 minute drive from my house (that is, I found their website, http://www.sanghalou.org/. Isn't the internet a great thing?). It's a bit far to drive, but I'm thankful that at least there is one within driving distance. I went today and it was really great. I think I'll go back next Sunday.

I could just go on meditating in the mornings on my own, but it's really great to meet with like-minded people. My social urge has even caused me to consider going back to my folk's church, but I have a few problems with that. For one thing, I would feel really uncomfortable talking about my experiences with meditation in Sunday School . . .

Anyhow, it's been a wonderful Sunday for me. Looks like I've finally found my sangha :)

*A loose translation of the word would be "community". Often it means something deeper than that, but I'll stick with that translation for now.

The Religious have no Monopoly on Charity

Today I was reading the letters to the editor in the Courier Journal, and felt a strong compulsion to reply to one of them which was entitled "Where's the ACLU?". The author only specifically mentions the ACLU as apparently doing nothing to help Katrina victims, in contrast to all the help given by various religious organizations (that the ACLU supposedly opposes). I don't know specifically what the ACLU has done in this situation, but I take issue with the idea that only the religious are interested in relief efforts. Here is the letter that I wrote and sent in:

In the Monday edition of the paper, A. J. Edwards mentioned a few religious
organizations that have been helping with the Katrina relief efforts. This is a
good thing! But the point of his letter was that Secular and Atheist
organizations (represented by the ACLU in Edward’s letter) are not interested in
helping. What do godless atheists have to do with charity work anyway?

The Universist Movement: Hands on Humanity (http://www.handsonhumanity.org/) is
organizing help for Katrina victims in the Birmingham-Jefferson Civic Center.
See their website for more information.

American Atheists (http://www.atheists.org/) has a list of
secular organizations contributing to relief efforts. They also have ad space on
their main page for their members who are in the affected areas and wish to
help, such as an atheist business owner in Houston who is offering work to
people displaced by Katrina.

The Council for Secular Humanism and the Center
for Inquiry (http://www.secularhumanism.org/) is
working to collect donations for AmeriCares (http://www.americares.org/).

I expect that there are many secularists out there, including myself, who have
contributed to the relief efforts without trumpeting the fact that we are not
religious and our motives have nothing to do with any gods. The religious do not
have a monopoly on charity.

checking in

Been a while since I've posted, mainly since I've been busy reading and writing for school and otherwise too lazy to write in the blog. But here is what has gone one since I last wrote. I'm in a break between classes so I have to make it quick.

I have managed to work a 15-20 minute meditation time into my mornings. Right about 7 am I invite my virtual bell to ring (http://www.mindfulnessdc.org/mindfulclock.html) and sit and breathe, basically. Sometimes I do a guided meditation, observe my thoughts or feelings without being caught up in them. I've already seen improvements in my general attitude about life. I love it, and miss it if my schedule gets messed up and I don't get my sitting time (as I call it).

Have to get to class now.

EDIT: In case anyone is interested, I've been using the book Beginning Mindfulness by Andrew Weiss for instruction and the guided meditations. It's a great guide to meditation and mindfulness practice for people like me who have regular job and family responsibilities. Highly recommended. It's also non-sectarian and doesn't assume any particular religious beliefs, which helps.

The God Who Wasn't There

I ordered the DVD and soundtrack from the official website
www.thegodmovie.com
and it arrived a couple of days ago. I think it was put together very well altogether--the soundtrack, visual effects, and content are all very good.

It starts with the question that if the church was wrong about the solar system, could it be wrong about something else, namely Jesus?

Next there is a brief overview of the story of Jesus, making use of some footage of dramatizations of the gospels. A brief, but thorough and accurate overview, as I remember it. Except for the comments that Jesus mysteriously "disappeared" for most of this childhood and then from when he was 12 to when he was 30, this bit could have been put together by a Christian.

Next he deals with how the history of the early church came together. He makes the point that there is a few decades gap between when the Gospels were supposed to have taken place, and when they were written. Also, he talks about Paul and how we know nothing about the history of Christianity other than the letters of Paul in those decades. And that Paul only saw Jesus in a "vision" and that he appears not to have even been aware that Jesus was ever a flesh and blood human being. I dunno if this is accurate, I'd have to check the sources.

The only complaint that I can think of is a verse from Hebrews (8:4) that was ripped from context to be used as evidence that Paul didn't know Jesus was ever an actual human. This is problematic for me since I've heard that Paul didn't even write Hebrews (I think no one knows who did, which is problematic in itself.) Anyway, this point was the only bit of the movie that I objected to. Mainly because any evangelical Christian who watches this movie would probably latch onto that objection and simply not see the rest of show . . .

Because the rest of the show is great! My favorite bit is the comparison of the story of Jesus with the conventions of folklore hero stories, and with the stories of pagan god-men that came before him. Even stuff like being a son of a God, having virgin birth, being crucified, and being raised from the dead, and then ruling with a God figure are found in mythologies of pagan god-men like Dionysus. As far as I can tell, this is the best evidence that the story of Jesus is mythological. For more information try the Pagan Origins of the Christ Myth link (in the sidebar to your right).

The rest of the movie is mostly an inditment of the fundamentalist church in America. Things like fundamentalist rants by people like Pat Robertson about how America must be brought back to God, and by someone else about how homosexuals ought to be put to death, and a book burning are shown. There is also an interview with the webmaster of www.raptureletters.com, and one with the principal of the fundamentalist Christian school in which the director of this film was taught to love God and fear hell.

This was a great film! For it's controversial subject matter I even found it to be very well reasoned and respectful. This is no ranting diatribe against Christianity, just an expose of historical evidence and the personal experience of the director which is contrary to what the teachings of fundamentalist Christianity.

Coincidence? Who cares!

I've taken quite an interest in Buddhism lately. Dunno yet if this will be a long-term thing for me, or if it's just another one of my tangents. But so far, it really looks like it could stick.

While I was in the public library about 3 weeks ago, I was just browsing the religion/philosophy section. I happened upon a book called Beginning Mindfulness: Learning the Way of Awareness by Andrew Weiss. It looked interesting, and I had a bit of time on my hands, so I picked it up and took it over to the reading area to have a look at the intro. It is a sorta 10 week guide to meditation. I've been interested in meditation before but never had very good guidance. So I decided to give it a try and checked the book out. Anyway, this was the start (and least I can mark it as a starting point . . .)

Much of the stuff in the book comes from a a Vietnamese Buddhist monk named Thich Nhat Hanh. I'd not heard of him before (or so I thought) had a bit of trouble with the name because I had no clue how it should be pronouced. Anyway, while I was sitting in the hospital with only my Aunt Dee and Uncle Harvey in the room (see my previous post), Dee was talking a bit about her spiritual leanings and such and made a comment that a friend of her's had said that maybe she's a Buddhist and didn't know it. At this point I commented also that I'd been thinking the same of my self (at this point I'd been reading BM and following the instruction for a couple weeks). Then Harvey mentioned something about Thich Nhat Hanh and a book he was reading by him called Living Buddha, Living Christ. The name recognition got my attention--I'd heard of the book but never paid attention to who wrote it.

On Saturday the family was all over at Grampa's house. Probably due to the previous conversation, Dee brought a book she had (actually a compilation of sorts) by Thich Nhat Hanh to show to Harvey. I was interested and asked if I could borrow it for a few days and she said that I could.

Anyway, now I'm finally getting to the interesting coincidence that I mentioned in the title. This morning I was reading a bit of the book that I borrowed--a section called something like "call me by my real name." I was very touched by it--I'll post more about it later--and sorta got the urge to go to the Unitarian Church that I'd not been to for a couple months. I supposed I just decided I wanted to go to a church, and that was the only one that I had any desire whatsoever to go to. I didn't even look up what the sermon would be about before I left, like I usually do.

When I entered the sanctuary, I accepted a hymnal and order of service, and sat down to look over the order of service. I was rather amazed by what I saw. The readings were all from Thich Nhat Hanh! A couple of them were even ones that I'd read from the book. Now, it's nothing unusual in this church for the readings to be taken from the writings of a Buddhist monk. But the timing of it, and the idea that I had just gotten the urge to go after reading stuff from the same monk.

This may be an exceptionally odd thing for an atheist like me to say, but do you ever just get the feeling you are being led?

My Grandma died about a week ago.
It's been in interesting couple of weeks . . .
She had a massive stroke on Wednesday the 3rd this month, and it was soon known that she was very unlikely to wake up. And that even if she did wake, she would not be the same person, so to speak. When I saw her, the only reason she was alive was the ventalator--she was not breathing on her own at all. After all of the family had arrived and gotten a chance to come to terms with the situation, the decision was made to turn of the ventalator on 1pm Friday. According to what I heard (as I was not there), she died instantly.

I've known for a few years now that she may not live much longer, but it was still a shock to find out about it. I was in the hospital all day Friday as family members came in from as far as Oregon and Arizona--it was quite a family reunion. My sister even flew in from Oregon, and I got to meet my baby neice for the first time. :)

This was a sad time for me, especially since this is the first time that I've been though the death of anyone who has played a big role in my life. I do feel a sort of peace about the whole thing though. For one thing, is this not the way it is supposed to happen? She was 89, she lived a full life, and had a sharp mind all the way to the end. She had just arrived at her 64th wedding aniversary the day before her stroke, and I am very glad that I decided to visit her along with my parents. When someone has lived a good life, right up to a ripe old age, and then dies of natural causes, I can't quite think of it as a tragedy. But I will still miss her greatly.

Contemplative Activist: Seeking paradise

Wow this is a good bit of writing :)

Contemplative Activist: Seeking paradise

thoughts on honesty

Damn, I was moody last week. LOL Much better now.

Anyway, I've given a bit of thought about the importance of honesty. I seem to have gotten these mixed messages about honesty all my life. On one hand there was the "honesty is the best policy" side. But then, in everyday life what I saw was that it is fine to lie, or at least not speak the truth, in little situations all the time. If so-and-so calls, tell them I'm not home. Or "that haircut looks great on you". Or on a much more serious note "I believe in God the Father . . . "

I've spent a lot of my life afraid to speak the truth on a variety of issues, because of fear of offending having someone diapprove of me. Or of hurting someone's feelings. And sometimes I'm afraid of just being too blunt in an honest negative opinion of someone. Anyway, I've had a few experiences last week, even today, where I've risked telling people things about myself or things I've done or thought when I knew that they would not like it. But it's been worth the risk. I've found that it is much better to have a thing in the open, than it is to try and conceal it and act like there is nothing there.