Environmentalism, Part 2

In my last post I stated that my interest in protecting the environment was watered by my interest in evolution. What I mean is that the claims of environmentalists make little sense to me until I got two things into my head:

1. That humans are not a special creation, above and separate from everything else of earth. We are as natural and dependent on the earth for survival as any other creature.
2. That God is not going to come back and destroy the earth anytime soon. So we can't treat the Earth and our resources as something disposable, something that will be destroyed soon anyway.

The first claim comes directly from an understanding that humans evolved from other forms of life just like every animal on this planet. The second follows from a naturalistic long term view of life on earth.

I have more thoughts on this for a later post . . .

Environmentalism

I was interested in environmentalism as a kid. When I was a young teenager I watched 'Captain Planet and the Planeteers' almost religiously. It was on at 7:00 am every Saturday morning, and I'd be up to watch it. I learned some cool stuff from watching that show that I encountered later, one example being 'cruelty free' products--a way that makers of personal care products can display that their products were either not tested on animals or tested in a way that would not cause harm to the animals.

Also as a result of things I was taught about environmentalism in school, I suggested to my parents that maybe it would be a good idea to have a government program that built a recycling program into the city waste disposal. Citizens would need to sort their recyclables into different bins before setting them out. The issue my folks brought up was how to pay for it and manage it--and as I had really no idea that was the end of that discussion. (I had the suspicion that raising taxes would not be an option.) So that idea was shot right down.

For a while I lost my interest in saving the environment. For one thing, I quit watching Captain Planet after watching an episode of Northern Exposure where I found out that the character Geia, the 'Spirit of the Earth' in the show, was revered as the goddess of the Earth in some pagan religion (at least Geia was referred to as a goddess in that show). It seems silly to me now, but as a very serious Christian girl at the time, I was devastated that the show used a pagan goddess as a main character. In fact, I wondered if I could trust anything from the show.

Another thing that blunted my environmental interests was that I used to listen to Rush Limbaugh with my father. As a homeschooled girl, this was pretty much my political education in highschool. Anyway I remember that anytime Rush mentioned the word 'environmentalist' on his show, it was always proceeded by the word 'wacko'. As in, people who chain themselves to trees to keep them from being cut down, and who care more about saving the kangaroo rat than they care about the livelihoods of farmers. It has taken me a long time to get the phrase 'wacko environmentalist' out of my head.

I did not regain my interest in environmentalism until my personal values went though a complete overhaul. I would not claim that this is the same for everyone--as some Christians are avid environmentalists--but in my case what sparked my interest in environmentalism once again had a lot to do with my doubting of Christianity. More specifically, it was sparked when, partly as an act of rebellion I sneakingly brought home _Cosmos_ by Carl Sagan (sneakingly because at that time I was still afraid of my parent's disapproval. From a comment I heard Dad make after we watched the movie 'Contact' at my sis's house it was clear he did not think much of Sagan.) I would read it in my room with my door closed, and hide it whenever someone opened the door. The most memorable thing about this experience was that it was the first time I'd read a comment about evolution being a grand and wonderful thing. The idea that the theory of evolution was anything good was a complete novelty to me, and the idea fascinated me. I also found a small book called a _River out of Eden_ by Richard Dawkins. This started up a great fascination with evolution in me, and I wanted to know more.

My beginning understanding of evolution watered the seeds of environmentalism in me that had lain dormant for a long time.

This story is getting to be quite long, longer than I'd intended, so I will continue it in my next post.

WP: Detainee abuse charges feared - washingtonpost.com Highlights - MSNBC.com

I don't usually talk about politics and stuff on this blog, but I find this to be, well, disturbing.

WP: Detainee abuse charges feared - washingtonpost.com Highlights - MSNBC.com

Blogthings - What's Your Religious Philosophy?

You are an Atheist

When it comes to religion, you're a non-believer (simple as that). You prefer to think about what's known and proven. You don't need religion to solve life's problems. Instead, you tend to work things out with logic and philosophy.

What's Your Religious Philosophy?

overcoming temptation

As you could see from my recent post that I titled 'temptation' I have been tempted to lay reason aside and entertain ways to accommodate irrationality--in this case in the form of astrology. I've finally bit the bullet and decided, several days ago actually, that is would just be plain dishonest for me to act like I think that there is any merit to astrology. The real temptation was to go along with peer pressure and not offend my boyfriend.

I think the limitations of reason really only come from a lack of information available to us. I strongly suspect that reason is really applicable to the whole universe--the only limitation on our part is that not all the facts are at our disposal. Since our brains are really only evolved to comprehend facts that have to do with our immediate survival really anyway (this being the reason, I think, that really advanced math is so hard to grasp), it may not help a whole lot if all the facts were at our disposal. This is a cause for humility for sure--but not a reason to entertain irrationality.

Now how to be honest about my skepticism to believers without making them think that I think they're stupid or something . . .?

Meet An Atheist: Atheist Religion

Meet An Atheist: Atheist Religion

temptation

I had a chance today to sit by the river, go for a walk, and do some thinking today.
One thing I thought about was reason, and it's limitations. I have had bad reactions to mystical thinking before. I still do sometimes, but there is a way that I find it to be a deeply wonderful thing. I'm a bit torn between two ways of thinking. My rational mind wants to see everything from a scientific point of view, wanting to explain everything. Maybe I should say logical, not rational, because I don't think that what I'm contrasting this mindset with is irrational. Maybe non-rational, I don't know.
Anyway, back to sitting by the river. I feel an odd attraction to the river, and I have all my life. A sort of fascination. My boyfriend says that I should be attracted to water because I'm a Cancer. Now hold on a minute right here. I am strongly suspicious of astrology. It makes no sense to me that objects out in space influenced by personality by their configuration when I was born. It's illogical. However, the idea has a strange seduction to it. He also says that we (Cancer's that is, he was also born in June) are the "beasts of burden" for other people. This also strikes a chord with me, especially regarding my roomate. (Check previous posts.) Then jumps in the rational part of me that says "Well, yes you can take personality traits that you already know I have and then attribute them to a "sign," but just try to predict what a person is like based on their birth month. You can't do it, unless you just dabble in vagaries that could apply to anyone, and then only remember the bits that were right." Course, I don't tell him that, and I figure I never will. We just think differently about these things, and that is something that attracts me to him. No pressure, just temptation. He tempts me to believe. (Not just astrology, but other things that seem to be a lot closer to reality.) I don't believe in astrology, but maybe I could find some symbolic meaning in all of this . . .

further update

My boyfriend just gave me a call a few minutes ago. So, he is thinking of me after all. This is a good sign.
About the things I said about him before, I don't know if it was completely fair. It was how I was feeling at the moment though. I'm not used to a relationship that didn't involve some sort of communication usually at least every other day. Maybe this is a good thing for me, as this is the longest lasting romantic relationship I've been involved in to date.
I'm still sorting things out here. I love this guy, I have no doubt about that. I'm not sure if a relationship between us would last a lifetime or not though. And I don't need to know right now really, as I'm not in any hurry to jump into any lifetime commitment (I wonder what I'll do if that opportunity presents itself). Right now I'm just holding on and seeing what happens.

what's going on

It's been a while since I wrote--and I'm sitting at the computer killing time--so I guess it's time for an update.

My roomate and I have been getting along rather better since the last couple of posts. He has improved since we first moved in--though there are still the little quirks like his battery powered alarm system that he insists on having but I seem to always forget to turn off when I get home. And his insisting on always having the door locked, even when I'm home. Couple of times I had to bang on the door for him to let me in because I'd gone outside to do something and he locked the door out of habit. I still don't know for sure if I will stay or move out when the lease is up. Part of it is because I'd like a nicer appartment, though I've also had the idea that a bit of work and spending could improve this one. I don't know what he's do if I left. He's dependent enough on someone else to do laundry, shopping, etc, that he has to either have a roomate willing to do it or else talk his mother into doing all that for him again. (She seemed very relieved when I took over all that stuff.)

As for my boyfriend, I'm not sure exactly what is going on. I called him and left a message on Thursday (or was it Wednesday, I'm not sure) but I've not heard a thing back from him. I know his sister is in town this weekend and that has got to be something to do with it. He's also the busy workaholic, but you'd think he could take just ten minutes out to let me know he thinks of me every couple days. I get the feeling that he is controlling all the interaction in this relationship--I can't get ahold of him when I call and he just calls when he wants. (This week is not the first time this has happened, if it was it wouldn't be a problem.) If the cell phone is broken, there is still a land line when he lives. I guess I'll just wait and see what happens--the ball is in his court, so to speak.

Oh, I almost forgot to mention that I'm planning to go to my Sangha meeting this morning. It's been a long time, and I haven't been meditating for a couple of months now. Just got the idea yesterday that I'd up and go today.

about last night

After my roomate got back from band practice we had a "through the bedroom door" conversation (I'd already gone to bed.) First we argued a bit. But then he gave an apology and admited he's gone over the top. Interesting, the effect that had on me. It was just what I needed to hear and I told him so. So everything fine between us for now.

Warning: Bitching post

I don't usually bitch on my blog, but I have something on my mind and I hate calling people just to bitch at them. Especially since I hate when people call me for that reason.

Anyway, I am pissed. It's about my roommate. We have an interesting situation, one that I was well aware that I was getting into when I got into this apartment with him. After all, we've been best friends for a bit over eight years now. For one thing, he's blind, and never learned to do laundry, dishes, or cook beyond putting something in the microwave or toaster. I don't mind doing these things, though I wonder what he will do when I'm not living here anymore and when his mother isn't available to do the laundry. He can't get around anywhere by himself at all because he also has a disoriented problem and tends to veer off course if he doesn't have something to follow like a sidewalk. So if he wants to go anywhere he has to arrange a ride with the busing service or get me or some member of his family to take him.

Note that I'm only mentioning this as background information. I'm not mad about any of this stuff--I only mention it because it does put a little strain on our friendship. Like how he wants advance notice whenever I'm going to be doing something out at night. So he can plan dinner, and because he gets lonely in the appartment. It's a strain becuase I feel like I'm doing everything for him. It's an imbalance.

What pisses me off is his how he handles conflict. The other day he misplaced his watch. Fucking $16 dollar talking watch from Radio Shack. He starts ranting and raving and bitching about how he can't afford another $16 for a watch, and how someone at Denny's must have stole it (the theory was that it fell out of his pocket at Denny's Restaurant) and on and on. I even called Denny's but no one could find it there. Turns out that he had just placed it in an odd spot and forgot it. Then all was fine and good.

The most current thing, which riled me up today, was concerning a microphone. He really went off on this one. He's in a band, and the mic was supposed to be in the keyboard pouch. But I looked for it, and it wasn't. Therefore someone on the band was careless with his equipment. Or stole it. And he's quitting the band if they mistreat his equipment again. And he can't afford a $200 microphone. Bitch, bitch, bitch. Right in front of one of the band members that came to pick him up for band practice. You know where the microphone was? Right with the other band microphones at the house where they have their practices.

The really bad thing about all this? I can not stand to be around someone who is yelling and screaming and bitching and jumping to horrible conclusions whenever something of theirs is not where it's supposed to be. On top of me needing to take care of stuff for him that a roomate would normally take care of himself--even if he is blind--this is driving me crazy!

I'm the lady :) I wouldn't own a gas guzzler if someone gave it to me.

career update

A couple of posts back I mentioned the job interview I went to a couple of fridays ago. Well, yesterday they called me with a job offer, and today I called them back with my acceptance. I've agreed to a start date of May 15.

Pharyngula: Easter mourning

Cool blog post I found today:

Pharyngula: Easter mourning

Easter morning

When I was a Christian, Easter meant a lot to me. I guess that's why I'm in the mood to write something today--the lack of having something to celebrate today is making me a little bit down.
Well, besides the weather getting really warm and the trees budding out and getting really beautiful. That is always something to celebrate this time of the year!

But that's not really what was on my mind when I started this post. I always remember my Christian days around Easter time, and I thought I'd write about an insight I've had. You other women out there may be able to relate.

Everyone thinks they know about women's mood swings--how that monthly cycle affects her emotions. I know I have them, though now that I understand better what is happening when I get emotional around the middle of the month (usually) I can deal with it rationally and say "Yes I know feel moody but since there is nothing in my circumstances to feel moody about it's probably just my hormones. I'll just wait a few days and it'll go away." And it does, inevitably. Reason is my lifeline here.
When I was younger I didn't understand as well what was going on. I didn't understand the chemical nature of emotions, and I still believed in a supernatural, eternal soul. So when I had those down times, they were almost always mixed with another emotion--guilt. I never felt like a very good Christian--I didn't know how to witness since the things I had to say to others wouldn't have convinced me. lol This lead to doubt, mostly doubt over my own salvation. This would lead me to be very susceptible to altar calls--to where I would jump and confess all my supposed sins (and I was a goody-two-shoes back then! ) and make sure I was saved and then feel light and free from the while cathartic nature of it all. Then next time around (or maybe even the next day) I'd be down again and doubt my forgiveness and feel guilty about doubting and the whole process would start all over again.

So what is the point? I dunno it was just on my mind--maybe the point is that there is an advantage to having a rational, materialistic view of emotion over having a supernatural view. God is not convicting me of anything. There is no God to convict me of anything. If I've done something wrong I can figure it out myself (or have someone point it out) and feel real guilt and do what needs to be done. Not have false guilt over imaginary sins that I must have commited.

Couple of interesting sites I found today

One site is http://www.theadvocates.org/
They have a cool quiz for determining where you fall on the political scale. It's a very short quiz and is, far as I can tell, pretty accurate. And (this is rare) it doesn't denegrate any of the political leanings, only describes them as favoring different types of freedom--different priorities.

BTW, I came out of the quiz as Liberal. I knew I was, but I wasn't sure just how much I was. lol

The other cool site is http://www.churchofreality.org/wisdom/
A religion that believes in whatever is real. Now there's a breath of fresh air!

Job Interviews, etc.

Here is the lastest update in what is going on in my life. Just a few minor blurbs since I don't feel like detailed writing tonight.

The biggest thing is my job interview at Service Net. I currently have a job but I'm still casting out to see what is out there. Since I'm in a project currently, I want to stay until at least the first roll-out.

My boyfriend in now in Maine for a few weeks. Since I've been going to his place every weekend for the last couple months, it's going to feel odd without him around here.

Someone planted the thought in my head a couple weekends ago. So I've been playing with the idea of changing my name. It is an interesting conversation starter, but I'm getting a bit tired of people looking at me wierd when I tell them my name. "Did your parents want a boy?" Though it is kinda fun watching them get the look on my face like "OMG, I really just put my foot in my mouth didn't I?" LOL I'd never had a good idea what to change my name to, but someone suggested changing to Mikayla. I like that one--and I'm giving it some thought. I'd be a hassle though, trying to get people to call me something different though. But it's close, I like the sound of it, and it actually sounds feminine. And it's still unique.

That is all for now. There is a bit more I could write but I don't feel like it right now.

finally, an update

A few things have been going on since I last wrote on New Year's. I'll start with the most interesting thing to me, namely, that guy I met at the New Year's singles dance.

Honestly, I wasn't really expecting to strike up a new relationship at that dance. My plan was just to go, dance with a few people, have fun and go home. What ends up happening is that at first I'm not getting any invitations to dance so I decided to just go out on the dance floor and dance by myself. I was not up there long, probably not more than one song, when this pretty well built guy with brown eyes and dark curly hair asked if I minded if he joined me. I didn't mind, so we danced together for a few songs. He was a good dancer too, and taught me a few moves. I had a blast! He also liked to talk and was asking me stuff like what kind of drinks do I like and what kind of vices I had. When I first saw him the first thing I thought was that he didn't look too old (most of the crowd was around 50 or something) and that he looked Hispanic. Next thing I noticed was his accent, which I couldn't place, but which definately did not sound Hispanic. This was cool for me--I seem to have a thing for dark guys with odd accents. LOL Anyway, it turned out that he was from Maine. After a while we parted and I went to sit back down, but it wasn't long before I was looking around to see where he was--and he noticed and asked me later if I was looking for him. We were dancing together when the New Year started, and at his request I gave him my number before I left.

A few days later he called me, and on Tuesday we went to see King Kong at the theater near my apartment. The movie was good too, and I got into it. What really got me is that when we were talking after the movie ended, he was watching my face during the movie to see how I was reacting to the more intimate scenes of the movie--like the scene at the top of the tower (if you've seen the movie you should know what I'm talking about). He said that he could tell that I was really into the movie at those points. I couldn't help melting a bit when he started talking about that--I think there is something irresistible about a guy that in tune with how I'm feeling, even about a movie. Even back when we were dancing on New Year's I just felt like this was a guy who could understand me.

Since then I've been to a couple more dances with him, and I've spent a few weekends at his place over the past month. I've learned a lot more about him than I knew on New Year's. I think I've found something really special here, but I'm trying my darnest not to rush ahead. He told me that when he tries too hard to make a relationship work it has usually caused it not to work, and this has been my experience as well. Just got to take this one day at a time. But right now I feel like I could keep this up one day at a time for quite a long time.

Happy New Years!

One again it is time to review the previous year and make plans for the new one.

Here is some of what happened this year. These are in the order they come to my mind, no chronological:

• I moved into an apartment in November, with my best friend.
• I have finished all of my college classes, and have started my final co-op. I'll graduate in the Spring.
• I've got my first real programming job, full time and with health insurance.
• For the first time I actually have my own heath insurance instead of relying on my mother's.
• I started meditating and then started looking into Buddhism--and found a lot that really rings true with me. Also started to attend the meeting of the Louisville Community of Mindfulness on Sunday mornings (playing hookey today though lol).

Last year at about New Years I said:

• I'm working on exercising more and drinking more water.

  I want to work on keeping a positive attitude when I'm stressed out. (It's
  not a problem when I'm not stressed.)

  I intend to graduate at the end of 2005. This involved also finding a co-op
  for next year.

  I'd like to be moved out on my own by the end of this year, or shortly after
  graduation.

I actually accomplished most of these. The exercising fizzled around the end of February, cause I got tired of Dad's elliptical machine. Ok, I got a bit lazy lol. But it lasted a whole two months--not bad I guess. But I did keep drinking more water.
My meditation practice has helped me not to get stressed out so much--it helps me to keep a clear head and be able to see when what I'm worried about will just not be helped by me giving myself an headache over it.
I'm close on the graduation bit. I finished my classes in 2005, but my official graduation will be in the Spring of '06.
I am moved out into an apartment now. Woo hoo!

On to next year:

Here are my intentions for this coming year:

• I plan to continue my meditation practice and find out more about Buddhism.
• I plan to start taking classes at Gold's Gym, which is just a couple of minutes from my apartment. In fact, I just signed up for a monthly membership yesterday.
• I would like to get my Microsoft Certified Application Developer certificate, though I've not made serious plans toward that end just yet.
• I'd like to go to more dances, like the the one I went to last night. Found a new friend who was teaching me how to dance. I'm expecting maybe to get a call from him today . . .

We'll see how it goes :)

My Christmas

My Christmas was a bit different this year. We've always had our family Christmas Eve party at Grandma's house, but this year we had it up at my folks house. It is even the first time we've had any parties up at my folk's house--they have been working really hard on getting the place rearranged and even putting in a insert wood stove and building a hearth around it. I wish I had before and after pictures to post--it's a bit like Changing Spaces or something 'cept they did it themselves. :-p

The Christmas Eve party went off great--we ate, Grampa shared some of his Christmas memories, the Christmas myth was read, we sang some carols. I'll see if I can get some digital photo's from Dad so I can post them.

I spent the night up at Mom and Dad's house after the party. It was weird sleeping on the couch, and I didn't get to sleep until about 3 in the morning. As Christmas morning is also Sunday morning, Mom invited me to go to church, as expected. I pretty much planned on going with them anyway, so I accepted.

We missed half of the service since it went from 10am-11am. I'm not sure of the reason for the shift in schedule; I think it was something to do with the pastor's traveling plans. Anyway, what it meant to me was that I only had to sit there for 30 minutes as opposed to an hour. LOL The service was alright--we walked in where the pastor was reading Isaiah 53 and then switched to the birth of Jesus and then to the bit in Revelation about the Lamb and the seven seals. A team with a soprano sax and a singer who I know from when I was in the youth group did "O Holy Night." They did quite a good job on it too, the singer even did it in sign language.

Then, to my dismay, I found out that they were going to do Communion. This was the first time I'd been to a Communion service since I decided that I definitely was not a believer. It was also the first time that I sat still during the entire thing--just breathing in and out and trying not to look too conspicuous. I used to love Communion when I was a Christian, and the combination of that and that of going against the peer pressure made it all an unpleasant experience. What else could I do--to take it is no less than a public proclamation of faith. Far as I know, most in the church are totally unaware that I have rejected Christianity--they only know that I've not been going to church. I wonder how many noticed that I didn't even take Communion when it is open to anyone who has "accepted Christ as their lord and savior"? Not that anyone mentioned it afterward, of course.

The rest of the day went alright--but as this post is already pretty long I'm going to make the rest of it very short. We ate Christmas dinner at Grampa's and then I went to my roomate's family party. And that was my Christmas this year.