Tuesday, April 25, 2006

about last night

After my roomate got back from band practice we had a "through the bedroom door" conversation (I'd already gone to bed.) First we argued a bit. But then he gave an apology and admited he's gone over the top. Interesting, the effect that had on me. It was just what I needed to hear and I told him so. So everything fine between us for now.

Monday, April 24, 2006

Warning: Bitching post

I don't usually bitch on my blog, but I have something on my mind and I hate calling people just to bitch at them. Especially since I hate when people call me for that reason.

Anyway, I am pissed. It's about my roommate. We have an interesting situation, one that I was well aware that I was getting into when I got into this apartment with him. After all, we've been best friends for a bit over eight years now. For one thing, he's blind, and never learned to do laundry, dishes, or cook beyond putting something in the microwave or toaster. I don't mind doing these things, though I wonder what he will do when I'm not living here anymore and when his mother isn't available to do the laundry. He can't get around anywhere by himself at all because he also has a disoriented problem and tends to veer off course if he doesn't have something to follow like a sidewalk. So if he wants to go anywhere he has to arrange a ride with the busing service or get me or some member of his family to take him.

Note that I'm only mentioning this as background information. I'm not mad about any of this stuff--I only mention it because it does put a little strain on our friendship. Like how he wants advance notice whenever I'm going to be doing something out at night. So he can plan dinner, and because he gets lonely in the appartment. It's a strain becuase I feel like I'm doing everything for him. It's an imbalance.

What pisses me off is his how he handles conflict. The other day he misplaced his watch. Fucking $16 dollar talking watch from Radio Shack. He starts ranting and raving and bitching about how he can't afford another $16 for a watch, and how someone at Denny's must have stole it (the theory was that it fell out of his pocket at Denny's Restaurant) and on and on. I even called Denny's but no one could find it there. Turns out that he had just placed it in an odd spot and forgot it. Then all was fine and good.

The most current thing, which riled me up today, was concerning a microphone. He really went off on this one. He's in a band, and the mic was supposed to be in the keyboard pouch. But I looked for it, and it wasn't. Therefore someone on the band was careless with his equipment. Or stole it. And he's quitting the band if they mistreat his equipment again. And he can't afford a $200 microphone. Bitch, bitch, bitch. Right in front of one of the band members that came to pick him up for band practice. You know where the microphone was? Right with the other band microphones at the house where they have their practices.

The really bad thing about all this? I can not stand to be around someone who is yelling and screaming and bitching and jumping to horrible conclusions whenever something of theirs is not where it's supposed to be. On top of me needing to take care of stuff for him that a roomate would normally take care of himself--even if he is blind--this is driving me crazy!

Friday, April 21, 2006

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

career update

A couple of posts back I mentioned the job interview I went to a couple of fridays ago. Well, yesterday they called me with a job offer, and today I called them back with my acceptance. I've agreed to a start date of May 15.

Sunday, April 16, 2006

Pharyngula: Easter mourning

Cool blog post I found today:

Pharyngula: Easter mourning

Easter morning

When I was a Christian, Easter meant a lot to me. I guess that's why I'm in the mood to write something today--the lack of having something to celebrate today is making me a little bit down.
Well, besides the weather getting really warm and the trees budding out and getting really beautiful. That is always something to celebrate this time of the year!

But that's not really what was on my mind when I started this post. I always remember my Christian days around Easter time, and I thought I'd write about an insight I've had. You other women out there may be able to relate.

Everyone thinks they know about women's mood swings--how that monthly cycle affects her emotions. I know I have them, though now that I understand better what is happening when I get emotional around the middle of the month (usually) I can deal with it rationally and say "Yes I know feel moody but since there is nothing in my circumstances to feel moody about it's probably just my hormones. I'll just wait a few days and it'll go away." And it does, inevitably. Reason is my lifeline here.
When I was younger I didn't understand as well what was going on. I didn't understand the chemical nature of emotions, and I still believed in a supernatural, eternal soul. So when I had those down times, they were almost always mixed with another emotion--guilt. I never felt like a very good Christian--I didn't know how to witness since the things I had to say to others wouldn't have convinced me. lol This lead to doubt, mostly doubt over my own salvation. This would lead me to be very susceptible to altar calls--to where I would jump and confess all my supposed sins (and I was a goody-two-shoes back then! ) and make sure I was saved and then feel light and free from the while cathartic nature of it all. Then next time around (or maybe even the next day) I'd be down again and doubt my forgiveness and feel guilty about doubting and the whole process would start all over again.

So what is the point? I dunno it was just on my mind--maybe the point is that there is an advantage to having a rational, materialistic view of emotion over having a supernatural view. God is not convicting me of anything. There is no God to convict me of anything. If I've done something wrong I can figure it out myself (or have someone point it out) and feel real guilt and do what needs to be done. Not have false guilt over imaginary sins that I must have commited.

Thursday, April 13, 2006

Couple of interesting sites I found today

One site is http://www.theadvocates.org/
They have a cool quiz for determining where you fall on the political scale. It's a very short quiz and is, far as I can tell, pretty accurate. And (this is rare) it doesn't denegrate any of the political leanings, only describes them as favoring different types of freedom--different priorities.

BTW, I came out of the quiz as Liberal. I knew I was, but I wasn't sure just how much I was. lol

The other cool site is http://www.churchofreality.org/wisdom/
A religion that believes in whatever is real. Now there's a breath of fresh air!

Friday, April 07, 2006

Job Interviews, etc.

Here is the lastest update in what is going on in my life. Just a few minor blurbs since I don't feel like detailed writing tonight.

The biggest thing is my job interview at Service Net. I currently have a job but I'm still casting out to see what is out there. Since I'm in a project currently, I want to stay until at least the first roll-out.

My boyfriend in now in Maine for a few weeks. Since I've been going to his place every weekend for the last couple months, it's going to feel odd without him around here.

Someone planted the thought in my head a couple weekends ago. So I've been playing with the idea of changing my name. It is an interesting conversation starter, but I'm getting a bit tired of people looking at me wierd when I tell them my name. "Did your parents want a boy?" Though it is kinda fun watching them get the look on my face like "OMG, I really just put my foot in my mouth didn't I?" LOL I'd never had a good idea what to change my name to, but someone suggested changing to Mikayla. I like that one--and I'm giving it some thought. I'd be a hassle though, trying to get people to call me something different though. But it's close, I like the sound of it, and it actually sounds feminine. And it's still unique.

That is all for now. There is a bit more I could write but I don't feel like it right now.