Wednesday, November 24, 2004

who i am in the universe

I've been in one of my funny moods today. I think it started yesterday when I was running around with my folks. Mom had the contemporary christian station playing in the car, and though she usually changes it when I'm with her she didn't this time. I didn't mind--it actually brings back a lot of memories since I listened to nothing but christian music--mostly CCM--until I was about 17 years old. It reminded me of what it felt like really to believe in all that, and, to be perfectly honest, it was painful. Of course I've realized for a long time that it would take a whole lot more than an emotional experience for me to ever believe again. Though I miss the feelings that I can have influence over events miles away by praying. I would say I miss the feeling I got in worship, but I do get those feeling when contemplating nature and in the services at First Unitarian. It seems I have an irrepressible religious impulse whether I like it or not. Or perhaps emotional impulse is a better word for it.

Anyway, all this put me in the mood for a writing project so I decided to try something that I've seen a fellow extian do. This is a short list--compiled in about 10 minutes--of "who i am in the universe."

  1. I am a natural part of the universe.

  2. I am a self-conscious part of the universe.

  3. I am responsible for my own actions, for better or worse.

  4. I am a doubter, because that's how I seperate the truth from lies.

  5. I am a computer geek. (LOL)

  6. I am an amateur astronomer.

  7. I am able to think for myself--no one else can tell me what I believe.

  8. I am a pantheist.

  9. I am an atheist.

  10. I am not the center of the universe.

  11. I am very important to a lot of people.

  12. I am a self-educator.

  13. I am a lover of new experiences.

  14. I am a seeker of truth.

Thanks to Heather Ann Kaldeway for the original idea. Click here to see her list.


Antoinette said...

Why did you stop beleving?

Ruthie said...

Sometimes I too get a sense of saddness when I listen to Christian music or go to church with my parents, or maybe with friends if I am visiting.

Maybe I'll write my own list!

Mikayla Starstuff said...

As to why I stopped believing . . . I've given this a lot of thought, and there are a mesh of reasons--both logical and emotional. The one that comes to mind right now is that I rejected the idea that faith (as in credulous belief) is a good thing. Faith has inspired a great deal of good in the world, but also a great deal of evil (terrorism?). To me, doubt is indespensible because seriously questioning claims is the only way to really determine their truth. However, doubt is discouraged and even stigmatized in Christianity--indeed, in all revelation-based religions.

And when I found myself doubting the "truths" of Christianity, I found that they would not stand up under questioning. At least, not the claims of literalist evangelical Christianity. But I figure, if you can't literally believe that Jesus is god and that he died for your sins and rose on the third day, what is the point of holding onto christianity at all?

There are other reasons as well, but that is a major one.